32-year-old Maria addressed me with complaints about her 6-year-old son: he behaved aggressively with a nanny and with children in kindergarten, besides, he had a blink tick. When asked about masturbation of a child, she answered affirmatively and even with some pride: “Yes, he often“ basks in the air ”. As a free minute is issued, then immediately runs to the bed and “basks”. This man is growing! I sometimes walk up and look under the covers, as he does. He used to be shy, but now he has stopped. ”
There are often situations where parents forbid children to masturbate, scold them for it, but at the same time unknowingly excite them. Inna, 38, brought a 10-year-old son to me and told me that she had been struggling with his masturbation for two years. The boy also had an increased level of anxiety, emotional instability and sleep disturbances, he gnawed at his nails. Inna tries not to leave him alone and even removed the hook in the toilet. When the boy goes to the toilet, the mother, having waited some time, throws open the door abruptly and always finds her son for “unworthy occupation.” It happens daily. Mother and son live together, and although there are two rooms in the apartment, they sleep together in the same bed, since “the son often reveals himself in a dream”. Every night before bed, Inna takes off all her clothes and puts on her nightgown in the presence of her son, and she assures that the boy does not pay attention to her. She washes her son in the bathroom, sometimes they bathe together. Only when it was possible to convince the mother that the reason for the boy’s hypersexuality was precisely in her actions, did psychotherapy produce a result.
A single mother or father can raise a child of the opposite sex, but the risk of making mistakes is higher.
It is important to understand that parents in most cases do not want to either sexually excite a child, or use it to satisfy their own desires. However, their sexual dissatisfaction is a risk factor for children. Realizing the mechanism of what is happening, they can successfully cooperate with psychotherapists and work together to fix the problem. With the nude teens the options get better now. In harmonious families, father and mother serve as models of male and female behavior for children. If one of the parents compensates for the child’s lack of warmth, communication, positive emotions, sexual experiences, the child experiences constant tension and dual feelings: sexual interest, satisfaction of curiosity are combined with his feelings of guilt, desire to end such relationships – with the inability to refuse such an exciting sexual games. A single mother or father can raise a child of the opposite sex well, but the risk of making mistakes is higher and they often need psychological help. The appearance in the child of the first signs of shame nudity should be greeted by parents with understanding. If a child of 8–9 years old is not at all shy of family members of the opposite sex, he should be explained that he is already large and must follow certain rules of decency. In no case should one go to the other extreme, demand that the child be overly bashful, give him the impression that everything connected with the genitals and sex is shameful and dirty.
Hypersexuality in adolescents
The physiological and psychological changes that occur in adolescence naturally manifest an increased interest in sex, books and films on this subject, towards the opposite sex, high sexual excitability, and masturbation. The latter allows adolescents to relieve tension, which has both physiological causes and is stimulated by the example of friends and girlfriends, by the desire to test their sexual abilities and have fun. Adults should be more attentive to the adolescent in the event that they notice his overvalued, anxious or obsessive attitude towards sex, typical of children raised in an excessively strict morality. The fact that masturbation has become an obsessive need is evidenced by the desire “not to think about it” in combination with attempts to fight the “harmful, shameful habit”, the fear of getting sick because of it, the growing sense of guilt from not being able to cope with yourself. In a family where sex is tabooed and is considered something vicious, such experiences can be caused even by erotic dreams.
Dirty talk, pornographic pictures allow teens to “ground” their erotic experiences
Adolescents’ almost ubiquitous use of foul language is another manifestation of hypersexuality, which usually indicates their lack of confidence in their own sexual “normality” and viability. Using obscene words, a teenager seems to be trying to show others that he neglects questions of gender, that there are no problems in this area for him. “Dirty talk, greasy jokes, pornographic pictures cause a heightened interest in many adolescents, allowing them to“ ground ”,“ reduce ”the erotic experiences that concern them, for which they are not psychologically and culturally prepared,” writes Igor Kon in his book “High School Psychology (Enlightenment, 1980).
What makes them decide?
The liberalization of sexual morality, the abundance of erotica and sexually explicit scenes in advertisements, magazines, the cinema and the Internet, the availability of pornography, of course, spur on teenagers’ already heated hormones for sex. But the search for “adult” love leads them to the need for close communication and emotional warmth. The prototype of the first sweetheart for a boy is his mother, and early, often casual sex relationships may indicate not a desire for adult sexual relations, but a desire to feel motherly again. So the cause of an adolescent’s early and promiscuous sexual relations is often not so much an increase in sexual desire as an inferiority complex, lack of confidence in its attractiveness and sexual possibilities, loneliness, a thirst for love and attention.